Newspaper Archive of
The Catalina Islander
Avalon, California
May 3, 1933     The Catalina Islander
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May 3, 1933

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PAGE TWELVE THE CATALINA ISLA4 FF:' :" "" " " "" :" . "i~d~ ROM APRIL 28th TO MAY 6th these standard i "Wear--Ever" items [ on SALE ! [ at Special Low Prices. I ~. Large 2-lipped, 3-Qt. Saucepan, Regular $1.25, Special .... 59c French Fryer Basket to fit above Special ............................ 39c ~." Set of 3 Saucepans, Regular $1.75, Special ........................ $1.00 .~ 4-Cup New Style Percolator, Regular $2.25, Special ........ $1.60 ~ 6-Cup New Style Percolat:r, Regul2 $2.75, Special ........ $1.95i [ Catalina Hardware , one | f Nothing does so much for so little as your telephone A. Birthdays mean more when s/ you have a telephone WHAT important anniversary, what loved one's birth- day is approaching? Mark it down. Then call up. The call over distance small or great will mean more than you can guess to the one who is remembered. The telephone is the quick, personal way to bridge the miles. "Long Distance" is glad to give personal service. SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA TELEPHONE COMPANY Business Office: 135 Whittley Telephone Avalon 90 J Demonstrating its faith in the rapid return to normal business co~ditions, the National Automobile Club has an- nounced the most sweeping extension of its service program by advising its members that they will be rendered free emergency roadside service any- where in the United States. From now on, whether a National member be at the Century of Progress Exposi- tion in Chicago, at Columbus Circle in New York, or in the great open spaces of Texas, he is at all times under the protecting service wing of his Club. 'l~his California institution for Califor- nia motorists has again set the pace. The Automobile Club of Southern Cal- ifornia has announced a similar exten- sion of service. Contractor: "Do you think you are physically fit for hard labor?" Applicant: "Well, sor, some of the best judges have thought so."--Ex. Maid: "While you were gone, ma'am, your little Willie swallowed a bug, but don't worry, I had him take some insect powder."--Transmitter. Judge: "Now, James, I shall expect you to support your wife and twin babies faithfully from now on." James: "But, Judge, you ain't heard all my side of the story. One of them twin babies ain't mine."--Exchahge. Our readers will find several inter- esting new advertisements in this is- sue. Look them over, Phone: Tucker 7611 l IIR. 0AI{RETr J. I;I ANilILL [ DENTIST Installment Payments~ If Desired 1107 Brockman Bldg. /th and Grand Los Angeles A/ ERNEST WINDLE NOTARY PUBLIC News Stand or at Islander Office Refined rude Slight Difference City Chap: "That cow over there? Why" hasn't she any horns?" Country Boy: "Well, it's this way. Some cows are born without horns and never has any, and ot'hers shed theirs, and some we dehorn, and some breeds ain't supposed to have horns at all. There's lots of reasons why some cows ain't got horns, but the big reason why that cow over the're ain't got horns is because she ain't a cow-- she's a horse." The wife of a Chicago musician has obtained a divorce on the ground that he told her 'he was fonder of his sax- ophone than of her. It would, of course, be unfair to blame him without knowing what his wife sounds like.- Punch. Spoilt Parliamentary candidate, in impas- sioned speech: "I am willing to trust the people." "I wish you'd open a grocer's shop, then!" said a little man in the audi- ence.--Fishing Gazette. They were partners and occupied adjoining offices, separated by a thin partition: over the top of which they were able to converse. They also shared a single stenographer. One morning Moe called over to Jake: "Say, Jake, business is good in Chicago." "What makes you think so?" called back Jake. "Our dealer out there just tele- grap'hed in a big order. Listen while Miss Jones reads it to you." So Miss Jones read: "Please rush 9 dozen No. 18 Stop 3 gross of No. 5 Stop 2 gross of your No. 4 Stop--" .At this point Jake's voice came sharply over the partition. "For hea- ven's sake, Moe, leave the girl alone and let her read the telegram."--Ex. Should Grandmas be Told? An elderly woman was escorting two little girls around the Zoo. While they were looking at the stork, she told them the legend of the ungainly bird--how it was instrumental in bringing them to their mammas. The children looked at each other with sly glances, and presently one whispered to the other: "Don't you think we ought to tell the dear old thing the truth?"--Bos- ton Transcript. Traveler: "Porter, I want to be called at 5 o'clock in the morning." Porter: "Boss, ah guess you-all ain't acquainted with these heah mod- e'n 'nventions. See this heah button, heah? Well, when you-all wants to be called, you jest presses dat button, an' we comes an' calls you."--Ex. An English bishop received the fol- lowing note from the vicar of a vil- lage in his diocese: "My Lord: I re- gret to inform you of the death of nay wife. Can you possibly send me a substitute for the week-end?"--Ex. Like everyone else who has a sneak- ing faith in doctors' remedies, I, too, have a remedy,a remedy for the dis- ease of living. It is aetion.--Pio Bar- ojo. Have You Heard the Story--? Of the doctor who treated a man ten years for jaundice, ~md then dis- covered he was a Chinaman ?--Fish- ing Gazette. Irate Parent : "I'll teach you to make love to my daughter, sir." Young Man: "I wish you would, old boy; I'm not making much head- way."--Transmitter. Mistress: "Can you explain why it is, Mary, that every time I come into this kitchen I find you reading?" New Maid: "It must be those rub- ber heels of yours, mum."--Exchange. Mending an Antique "So you think you would be able valet for me," said the to the applicant. "1 must that I'm pretty much of a have a glass eye, a cork leg, ficial arm that needs looking to mention a wig and false "That would be all right, sponded the other. I've had practice. You see, I once the assembly-room of a big cern. --Humorist. The owner of a cheap watch it into the jeweler's shop could be done for it. "The mistake I made, of admitted, "was in dropping "Well, I don't suppose help that," the jeweler mistake you made was in up."--Exchange. Young Knu{ : "I say, bring me a steak like that Waiter: "Why not, sir?". Young Knut: "It simply old thing !"--Transmitter. Clothes and the Covast Experts at the Unive: fornia, under Prof. A. O. of the astronomy departme~ out it will not be visible to on its present trip Francisco Chronicle. If you heal people, your be held in great respect will frequently talk about cover a beneficial medicine, will love you.--Winnebago Harnfless mirth is the be against the consumption of wherefore jesting is not trespasseth not in quantity, season.--Thomas Fuller. Pass the Smelling Gushing Young Thing: wonderful of you to drop sand feet in a parachute. your sensation." Bored Aviator : just a kind of sinking ton Ev'ening Transcript. Aunt Hetty: "Sakes alike, believe no woman could fat." Uncle Sy: "What y' Hetty ?" Hetty: "Why, this paper an Englishwoman that lost sand pounds."--Exchange. Nayber: "What gave you eye ?" Smith: "The fireless Nayber: "Impossible!" Smith: "That's what I th' til I tried to fire her this Transmitter. Do you know that Avalott of the finest all-year Pacific Coast of the MRS. THRIFTY GRANTS INTERVII~ TO ISLANDER Mrs. Thrifty Shopper suaded to stop for a # her tour of the stores and to grant an intervieW' editor of your paper. Everyone is always where Mrs. Shopper amazing values and busy passing out hot tips. "It's all so unnecesS: know, this questioning lVli time," she said. "Some always groping in the variably paying the p ing uninformed. "Others may occasion," usual values through methods, but as for Thrifty Shopper contintte lestly, "I have found th experience "It Pays to Those Who In the Catalina