Newspaper Archive of
The Catalina Islander
Avalon, California
March 31, 1938     The Catalina Islander
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March 31, 1938

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PAGE TWELVE------- Refined Crude Quite Safe Young Thing (after the third singing lesson): "Do you think 1 might make use of my voice in public now?" Musician: "Yes, certainly. I see no reason why you shouldn't say, join in the National Anthem."--Vart Hem. That's Telling 'Era They tell about a hard-driving taxi driver who recently beat a Fed signal, threatened the traffic top's knees, missed the safety zone by a hair and lightly grazed a bus, all in one dash. The cop hailed him, then strolled over to the taxi, pulling a big handker- chief from his pocket en route "Listen, cowboy!" he growled. "On yer way back I'll drop this and see if you can pick it up wit' yer teeth."-- Unidentified, ,Only Experts "What are you doing here?" said the haughty chairman at the Disarma- ment Conference in Geneva. "Excuse me," replied the soldier, in a frayed uniform. "I thought--I might be useful--| went through the whole war in the front line." "Get out. This is a meeting of ex- perts. An unheard-of intrusion."-- Nebelspalter. Supplication Give me a good digestion, Lord, And also something to digest. Don't let me worry overmuch About the fussy thing called I. Giveme a sense of hmnor, Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke, To get some happiness from life And pass it on to other folk. ---Prayer found in Chester Cathedral. Mother-in-law--Why don't you and Nellie stop scrapping? A man and his wife should be as one. Hankins--But we really are 10. Mother-in-law--How's that ? Hankins--Well, in Nellie's mind she's the one and I'm the naught. Dub~s Visitor: "What a sweet and innocent looking face your little girl has, Mrs. Brown." Mrs. Brown: "I hadn't noticed it. Mary, what have you been doing?"-- Independent Forester. How Very True Teacher: "Willie! Define the word puncture." Willie: "A puncture is a little hole in a tire, usually found a great distance from a garage," Emphatic The bride was gowned in white lace. The bridesmaids' gowns were punk. The whole color scheme of the decora- tions was punk.---New York paper, quoted in Literary Digest. The ld~ "I could never understand why she's such a huge social success, could you ?" "Oh, nay dear, yes--she can always say the wrong thing at the right time." --Tit-Bits. Chief Topic First Maid (talking about a party given the day before by her mistress) : "And they all came in limousines and had on the~grandest clothes, and wore the biggest diamonds." Neighbor's Maid: "And what did they talk about ?" First Maid: "Us."--Toronto Globe. She Knew Mother (telling story of Sleeping Beauty): "So the maid did not dust, the coachman (lid not take out his car- riage, the cook did not make the bread, everything was at a standstill." Fritzie (aged four): "I know, Mum- my, a general strike." Eager ' l asked a man: "Bill, if war should break out would you sign up?" He answered: "Well, I'd consider it a long time before I wouldn't." Both Surprised "I is---" began Joan. "I am--" promptly corrected the teacher. "I am the ninth letter in the alpha- bet," Joan finished. Turn About "Jimmie," said the teacher, "what is your greatest ambition ?" Jimmie considered thoughtfully. "I think," he said, "it is to wash Moth- cr's face."--New Outlook. Tom: '"W:hat makes your wifeso suspicious of your stenographer?" Jerry: "It just happens that my wife was my stenographer before I mar- ried her." The effort to keep alive is so great :n Japan that 86,278 persons went mad in 1936. This resulted in a great in- :-case in crime and suicide. THE CATALINA ISLAI to delight US inexpressibly He b4 [XIOLLS GArLIFOR A fish of resplendent colors fr0rl oceans of the world, as weU i| form of inarine life. He l (Continued from page I, col. 1) their onerous duties, find time to de- vote to boys' work, undernourished children, and comnmnity improvement, as well as state and national affairs. Once a year we throw dull care to the winds; business duties and responsibil- ities are forgotten. We are boys again, and it is in this carefree spirit of abandon, with our foolishment and our nonsense that we come to you to enjoy to the full your hospitality. "When God made the world, He re- served California for His last and most perfect job. He filled its mountains with minerals for man's every use, cov- ered them with forests to provide lum- ber for our buildings and masts for the stately ships that ply to and from our mighty harbors. He gave us great rivers, whose torrents provide electric power for our mills, railways and homes, and irrigate our valleys of amazing fertility. He covered both valley and hill with a myriad of flow- ers to perfume the soft and gentle breezes that caress us throughout'the year. Having completed this perfect work, He crowned it with His most beautiful jewel, set in an ocean of azure blue--Catalina. To increase its loveliness, He gave it a thousand sparkling facets to charm its fortunate visitors; inlets and emerald bays, crags and precipices; hill, dales and beaches, water to an opalescent so men might view with wonders of the deep. He island with gentle, shine and romantic, glamoroUS light, and gave to its magic charm to soothe and refresh. "Do we need to tell you glamor of Santa Catalina us to it ? If need there be, let that the Santa Catalina pany supplies the answer. On vious trips the officials of this pany saw to it that the magic lsland was matched by the ge~ of their hospitality. Our was met before it was skilled and experienced care tered to our happiness and and saw to it that when our mav was over there was no molety of disappointment felt s[lad