Newspaper Archive of
The Catalina Islander
Avalon, California
Lyft
March 6, 1924     The Catalina Islander
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March 6, 1924
 

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PAGE TWELVE THE CATALINA ISLAIq d Crude Time to Make Things New Again--With Paints and Varnish ARE all ready w:Ah the best sorts of Paints and Brushes---Varnishes, Stains, Floor Wax, and all kinds of Paint Removers and Cleaners. Then a whole special collection of Paints, Cleaners and Polishes for Automobiles. Come in and let us help you select the best kinds for your requirements. One Thing He Hadn't Lost An ohl darkey got up in meeting one night and said: "Bredders an' sisters, you know an' I know dat I ain' been what I oughter been. I's robbed hen roosts an' stole hogs, an' tol' lies, an' got drunk, an' slashed folks with my razo', an' shot craps, an' cussed an' swore, but I thank de Lord dere's one thing I ain't nebber done--I ain't neb- ber lost mah religion."--Everybody's. In the Arithmetic Class Teacher--"Now, \Villie if James gave you a (log and David gave you a (log, how man (logs wouhl you have ?" Willie--"Four." Teacher--"Now, (lear, think hard. Wouhl you have four if James and David each gave you one ?" \illie--"Yep. You see I got two (logs at home now." She "Smelled" It! A young man and a maiden were playing golf, and had reached a hole where the green lay on the top of a little hill. The youth ran up first to see the lie of the balls. '% stymie!" he shouted. "A dead stymie !" , Whereupon the young woman, who was very much of a novice, came up with a sniff. "Well, do you know," said she, "I thought I smelled some- thing as I was walking up the hill." CATALINA HAFII]WAFIE COMPANY x n "I,I/INCJt,fl).TR sro Zank You Teacher--"Willie, what is zinc ?" Willie--"That's the French pronun- ciation for think." No "Friend" of Her's The mistress was annoyed by the re- peated calls of a certain negro on her colored cook. "You told me," she protested to the cook, "that you had no man friends; but this fellow is in the kitchen all the time." "Dat nigger ? He hain't no friend o' I mine," the cook declared, scornfully. "Him--he's jes' my 'nsban'." --Everybody's Magazine. Toot Tootsie Mother--"Johnnv, this is your new Stylish Playsuits o,or." Johnny--"\Vell, why don't he toot ?" An Improved Lizzie One flivver owner installed a carbu- retor that was guaranteed to save 20 percent on fuel. Then he put in special spark l)lugs that were guaranteed to IN BLUE DENIM, save 20 t,ercent. Then he added an KHAIKI OR STRIPES intake superheater that was guaran- teed to save 20 percent. He next ad- MUCH BETTER LOOK- ded a special rear axle that was also I guaranteed to save 20 percent. He put-- ING THAN THE OLD 0n high-pressure "cords" that promised a 2(1 percent saving. STYLE PLAY SUIT And now, with a fuel economy of 120 - percent he has to stop every htmdred AND THEY WEAR miles and bail fuel out of the gas tank to keep it from running over! Honest[ JUST AS WELL --Tripoli Tattler. ~,,B~1~ "There is one thing to be thankful for here," said a ball-player; "no one ever rides into this town with a couple of puctured tires!" "Occasionally we do get a visitor with his sails torn--because he tried I to come over Oll a raft," retorted one I H EEWOODI S " of tile boatmen on tile pleasure pier. Rotten Luck Jack--You say you fell from a lad- der and were 1,ainfullv injured ? Why don't you file a claim on your insur- ance company ? The Best Reason for Buying in Avalon Clarence--I would, but you see it wasn't exactly an accident. I was plan- L 116 Sumner Avenue, Opposite Atwater Hotel ning to elope with Mabel and I mis- Around the Corner-But is Pays to Walk. took her father's room for her's--Ink- lings. Subscribe now--S2 per year. ,/ idea of a firm like ~~t with a safe It helps morale of creditor=. Fair Enough An Irishman, bearing his pick coming up the street when he costed by a smartly attired young' who demanded : "I say, Pat, can you tell me the to Sixth and Slain streets ?" "Ye have me mixed wid me Sure, I'm Jerry, but come along me. Yc can ax me brother Pat we get there." "But, Jerry, I don't want to walk out of the way." "An' we'll not be walkin' out way. I'm to meet Pat at Main streets." Doctor was "Seeing "Ah," said the doctor, looking one eye, "it is easy for me to se~ is the matter with you! This merely eye trouble; it is an of the nervous system. There the signs of liver trouble, of fa generation of the heart, of a supply. The only thing I can mend is--" "Here, here !" cried the patient. it not about time you looked i~ other eye ? That's nay glass one, know !"--Everybody's Magazine. A Donkey's Wife " 'Tis Donkey night,, dearest, don't I may be late, you see. 1 hardly know what friends I'll And then, I'll have nay key." "All right," she answered with a Her words are always few; But she suggested, ere I went, I take the keyhole, too. --Pythian Where Is Thy Sting? I stood at ease Beneath the trees, And soon I was ambushed A bumble bee Backed up to me, And pushed. --Whiz MICK.IE SAYS--